Now that you’ve finally realized that his world does not revolve around you anymore, that his heart no longer belongs to you, then maybe you should finally help yourself in living the next chapter in your life. What’s the sense in hoping that he still loves you? Aren’t you being unfair to him? Aren’t you being unfair to yourself? Have you forgotten the time when you told yourself that you want to see him smile genuinely again even if it means shedding your tears for it? If it’s the “threat” that’s making him smile again, then so be it. You have no right over who his heart chooses anymore. Well, you don’t even have the right for it in the first place.

Now, for the consolation…aren’t you glad that there’s someone new again in your life? Someone who is way much better than that high-pride jerk who just wasted your time and chance? Think of it this way…when you first found out that he loves you ages ago, you didn’t like him in the first place, right? Then after all that he did for you, you just found yourself falling for him. Just think positive. You’re just starting with that someone new right now. Don’t pressure yourself. Just go with the flow. Don’t be unfair to this someone new as well. Just think that he can also be as funny as him, be as cheesy as him, and be like him. Don’t think that you can never like this someone new because he is not him. How can you move on with your life if you continue thinking and being like this?

So remember, don’t ever think that nobody can ever replace him just because he loved you like that. Some other person who is right for you can love you like that as well.

I deeply understand that you’re truly sick and tired of feeling hurt and crying silently because of this. I can feel you. You definitely don’t deserve being like this. But you don’t want him to see you miserable again because of this, do you? Leave a little pride for yourself, girl.

You can do it…yes, you can do it…small goals at a time, girl…small goals…

I know that it’s really hard, but you just have to keep on trying.

All emotional pain lasts for 12 minutes. Anything longer than that is self-inflicted.—And it was really nice to know that I’m not a total masochist anymore. =)

Silence
Like a long, weary night.
Silence
Like truth too hard to let go.

Empty hallways, empty spaces.
Silence prevails
Like an ordinary day.
Actions mean nothing,
No words being spoken.
Yet hearts do speak
Silently, honestly.
Longing to connect
To each other for so long.
The nights are cold,
But the enduring passion
Remains to warm
Our solitary days.

However honesty
Has become too much.
The only thing that is left for us
Are stolen glances.
Few, stolen glances
That are remnants
Of a love that is found and lost.

And it was the first sight of her that prompted me to think that she was a threat.

I could see it in your ways, in your looks.

She was cute, probably your type.

I thought I was the only one who could do this.

Now, everything’s like a karma coming back to me.

But it’s because I didn’t have a choice anymore. It was the only option available for me to move on.

In just a snap of a finger, seeing you brings back that painful pang in my heart.

The present indeed likes me, and I like him as well.

I should already be happy with this blossoming romance right now.

But seeing you with another one still gives me that slight, hurtful feeling.

Why do I have to feel this way? Why does this feeling have to linger after everything that has happened?

I just hate it.

Or perhaps it’s because of the fact that

After all these times,

I still haven’t really let go of the idea that you still have that undying love for me…

That you still love me after you have set me free.

I know…because I can still feel it.

And knowing that that idea might finally break slowly before my eyes definitely haunts me.

Well,

Even though I’m now gradually giving my heart to someone else,

A part of my heart is still with you.

I love you.

And one day I’m sure I can finally admit that to you, when the right time has come for me to say those words to you.

I love you.

The moment of truth has finally come to test that love of mine for you…

To wish you all the happiness in the world even if it means hurting myself…

To see you smile genuinely again even if it means shedding my tears for it.

I don’t want to see you sad and broken again.

But sometimes, it’s really hard not to be a self-centered being.

Why does real love have to be this hard?

(At siyempre, kinakausap na naman kita sa aking isipan habang ika’y nakatalikod na naman sa akin, ‘di ba? Parang dati lang.)

Kumusta ka na? Sana’y sa kabila ng lahat ay okay ka naman diyan. Alam mo, medyo natutuwa ako ngayon na nagbabalik na ulit sa dati…huwag na huwag mo lang ngang uulitin ‘yung ginawa mo nung nakaraang dalawang linggo…pisilin mo na ang aking ilong, pero huwag na huwag mo nang hahawakan ang kamay ko ha…I repeat, huwag na huwag mo nang hahawakan ang kamay ko, okay? Doon sa pagpisil mo sa ilong ko eh medyo nagiging insensitive na ako roon eh, pero ang hawakan ang kamay ko…nakukuryente pa rin kasi ako. Ayoko nang magpakuryente sa iyo eh. Kung magpapakuryente man ako, sa ibang tao na lang na mas tama.

Kumusta na pala ang puso mo? Alam ko hindi na dapat pa ako makialam sa estado ng love life mo ngayon, pero nacucurious pa rin kasi ako rito. Pa’no ba naman kasi ngayon, maya’t-maya’y may ka-text o kausap ka sa telepono mo, tapos mukhang masaya ka pa kapag kausap mo ‘yung kausap mo sa telepono, kaya ayun, I assume that you have a brand new one already. Unusual ha. Wala naman kasing forever texting and calling na nagaganap nung panahon ng kasagsagan ng ating “loveteam” noh. Well, aaminin ko, nakakapangselos iyang pagfoforever texting and calling mo sa ibang tao, pero wala naman akong magagawa eh. It’s your life and it’s your choice. Pero okay lang din iyan. Quits na tayo kung ganun. May sarili ka nang bagong buhay, ako naman ay meron na rin. Siguro isa o dalawang buwan pa, tuluyan na rin akong masasanay sa ganitong set-up…’yung tipong wala ka na, pero friends pa rin tayo. Just like the old days.

Sana ngayon ay tuluyan nang mawala ang kaunti pang heaviness na natitira sa aking damdamin dahil sa ating pagkakalayo, at susubukan ko na ring hindi mag-assume na para sa akin ang lahat ng love songs na pinapatugtog mo sa opisina. Sawang-sawa na rin kasi akong ma-confuse. Ang sakit lang din kasi sa puso at isip.

O siya, hanggang dito na lang muna. Always remember that I still love you for loving me that way, kahit hanggang magkaibigan na lang tayo ngayon. See you around. Tomorrow’s another work day for us. By the way, ang pogi pa rin ng batok mo ha.

She could’ve hugged him back much tighter…
But she suddenly remembered their reality.

She could’ve held on to his hand and never let go of his grasp…
But she realized he was not “him”.

She could’ve asked him the whole truth…
But she cared about their harmony.

She could’ve caressed his cheek and kissed him goodnight…
But she thought that they would just be useless.

She could’ve whispered how much she loves him into his ear…
But no words came out from her mouth, only tears from her eyes.

She could’ve fought for his love…
But then, she was reminded again…that they are worlds away.

And another thought dawned on me as I go through this “flow”.

I finally realized why it was hard for me to accept the end result of things from my past at first…no, not because I’ve already fallen in love with the person. I’ve countlessly contemplated about that already. Well, perhaps yes…to a certain degree, yes. I can say that. But not to the point that I’ve already accepted everything about him. The reason why it was hard for me to accept things at first is because I realized that I love how he had loved me. For the first time in many years since my teeny-bopper love life days way back then when my thoughts about love were still immature, and for the first time since becoming “more emotionally matured” in the game of love, no one has ever showed or allowed me to feel what love in the romantic sense really is, and through him, I have come to understand that, “hey, so this is what love in a more matured way feels like”, and boy, it felt so good.

And as you grow old and understand more truly what love is, its impact on you becomes much deeper, and letting go of it now becomes harder, especially if the person and his love has been really good to you.

Now, leaving my already dead past and moving on to my so-called present, the greatest fear that I have right now is the present one not being able to measure up or surpass the love that the past one has given to me. Expectations indeed become higher as people come and go. I know it’s wrong, but I just can’t help it. I only want what’s best for me, and of course, I don’t want something less of my expectations anymore.

I would have to agree with Katy Perry when she sang the line “comparisons are easily done once you’ve had a taste of perfection” from her song Thinking Of You. So true.

What scares me more is that when the present one does not live up to my new expectations, then I’d probably relapse back to the past.

I don’t want to be stuck with my dead past all over again. I would really, really like to move on with my life now, even if my present is still full of uncertainties. I believe it’s much better for me to be hurt by this uncertain present, than to be caught up again in my dead past that has given me more than enough heartaches already.

Now why am I afraid to let go? Perhaps this is my current dilemma. Do you really want to know why? Well, there are two points.

One - Attachment. Who doesn’t want to be loved and cared for? For someone who has been patiently waiting for more than four years for that “right” love to come to her life, yes, I am guilty of that. I am hungry for that. I just love the feeling of being loved, and miss the feeling of caring for another person…even if it’s just for a friend like you. I am really happy with that. I know I may sound selfish here already, but hey, that is what you want for me, right? Happiness?

But then, the other problem comes up - I don’t want to fall for the wrong person. I know that you know well of my issues surrounding this, so I will not elaborate on this anymore.

Now you know why I am having such a hard time making a decision. To let go or not to let go? I know I should have said “stop” a long time ago, but why would I let something that makes me happy go? Gah. History is slowly repeating itself again, my friend…but I think I’m not yet ready for another change.

I think I need a little help here…or perhaps you should be the one making the decision since you started everything in the first place. I think it would be much easier for me.

So, to stop or not to stop?

If you find it difficult as well, then you would finally understand what I’m feeling.

I can finally say goodbye to these attachments without shedding tears. Congratulations to me. =)

Your view on yourself:

You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don’t like conflict. Because you’re so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

You are very serious about relationships and aren’t interested in wasting time with people you don’t really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education:

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:

You’re a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you’ll be set for life.

How do you view success:

Success in your career is not the most important thing in life. You are content with what you have and think that being with someone you love is more than spending all of your precious time just working.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don’t ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

Answer the quiz from this link.